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Suck ar.

In the end turn down the other job. Pay is just too low and the risk involved are just too great. If I am an orphan and have nothing to care about in this world then I would go in head on already.

Yet I am not. So have to consider for my family as well. Not that I don't like taking risks, trust me, I took a biggest risk in my life last year and end up still paying for it.

I'll just  have to have a stronger resolve in getting the certification myself and have a fulfilling 2010. Improving myself in anyway possible.

2009 was alright. Spending first 9 months caring, loving and sacrifising and being passionate. I actually neglected a lot of other priorities.Yet I know it is worth all that.

That was the only passionate moment I have. Hope I will have more moments like these in the future.

Weird, ask me what I am passionate about in life, for now I'll tell you I'm most passionate when I was going out with my ex. You know how when you are a small kid and when you wake up on your birthday and there's a present next to your bed (I never experienced that before by the way), that was how I felt every single day when I was with my ex. Cool eh

Other than that, I'm pretty laid back and accomodating.

I like being simple. But I also like money. So I somehow have to earn lotsa money by being simple.

Who says simplicity is easy?

It is decided.

Have been applying for jobs for the pass few months.

Went for 3 interviews.

Both 3 was an eye opener. And well, had my fair share of being slapped on the face by reality for being ill equipped with the necessary skills to sell myself.

A manager for one of these company called me this afternoon and offered me a job with a pay cut.

A friend told me that I should consider where my passion lies and then only pursue towards the career path because it will be back to square one if I don't fully enjoy what I am doing.

The thing is, I don't really have passion. At least not anymore. The only time I was really passionate and was willing to give my entire life into working things out is when I was still together with my previous girlfriend.

Other than that, I've never really have anything that I truly enjoyed doing. I don't mind doing anything or everything but I just don't feel the excitement. Maybe because of that, I'm such a bore.

Bumi company + pay cut + unknown benefits + unknown passion = hell no.

But in the end I decided to dive head in and give it a good try. Gosh, I seriously have no idea how to pay for my expenses with this pay cut.

I've always been not too bright. And a tad bit too straight forward. One day my downfall might be caused by that.

I think I need to learn how to have fun.

Happy CNY (Belated)

Wow...

It is already approaching the third week in my new job and from my last entry till now much have happened.

Too much to tell too little time but nonetheless, these experiences are priceless. Not all are enjoyable but like I always say:" It is all part of the growing up process."

So far have not done anything BIG for my new job yet. Nope. Wonder if there will be any this year. Market is bad but if this job does not bring any satisfaction at all in terms of experience and knowledge gaining, it is time to resend out my resume again after a year since it is not offering any monetary satisfactory in the first place.

Even though the hiring manager tells me that the job is as exciting as I want it to be, but hey, how "Exciting" things will get with limited budget, limited authority, and as well as limited staff size? I don't even feel nice requesting the company to send me off for a trainings.

Maybe I should just be patient and wait till the end of year to see what springs up.

Happy Chinese New Year by the way! Even though it is already over but its the thought that counts right?

Oh well, back to looking busy in my humble cubicle. It is green in color by the way. Will take some pictures soon. Won't want to look like a lunatic taking pictures when all my colleagues are around busy with their tasks.

Ciaozoo.

Happy New Year!

1st Jan 2009 came and went like a breeze.

Many things had happened from Dec 08 till Jan 09, it is as though circumstances and incidents took over life rather than me being on top of these factors and charting my voyage with careful considerations. However, in the end things seems to be running pretty alright.

Michelle and I have took several leaps in our relationship, many things have taken place without our planning pulling us closer to each other and yet at times it does feel surreal since having a girlfriend at 25 is not something that I have anticipated.

Relationship is not always smooth sailing - I use to know this for a fact but now after experiencing it first hand, it brings a whole lot a different meaning to the statement. Relationship is definitely a handbook that encompasses many of life's lesson.

There is no way one could score all Aces in such a huge subject, yet most of the us would not think twice taking up this course.

In the end of the day, my constant hope is that both Michelle and I will be able to get through this tough lesson and still remain together.

On another note, am counting down to the day I start work in the new company. Am pretty anxious since I've yet to get a drift of how things work in the new environment. One thing is for sure, I'm no longer indecisive about my decision to take up this new job. It is definitely a challenge awaiting me, we shall see who will yield in the end of it all.

Muahaha...

Well, Happy New Year to all! Was too busy with life and love the pass few weeks.

May all of you have a fruitful yet enjoyable year.

God bless...

Snapped...

Today I snapped at a colleague of mine who was just doing his job.

I snapped not at him but merely at the issues caused by partly my own lack of pro activeness when it comes to tasks beyond my work scope and mainly because of the company management's great ideas and great processes which inflicted much trouble and dis contentedness among the lower ranking staff ie: ME.

What ticked me off the most is not the part where us employees have to clean up the disaster created by a crazy yet innovative yet clearly doomed-to-fail changes imposed by the so called inexperienced upper management team. Don't try don't know, that is the reason or to me excuses that they would simply use when there are a mess. What ticked me off the most is when there are mega issues caused by one of these 'ideas' or 'changes' which we have advised against, they simply just place all the blame on us.

I hate it the most when they say :"You created this mess, I won't bear the consequences, please solve it by yourself". Leaving us hanging in mid air grabbing frantically for a life line.

Hmm... probably the dogs of the upper management are keeping their eyes out on vindictive posts like this one but at this point of time, I could not care less. It is tiresome when your ideas, your points your words doesn't get through. pfftt..

As much as I want to complain about them, in the same time I'm sure my management team should be facing such pressure from people above as well. It is a vicious cycle after all. Dog eat dog world?

Yet today's post is not about that, but about a colleague, a friend who've misunderstood my over 'enthusiastic' tone of voice as to bombard him when he comes to me for something that I remember not receiving or gave away during the month of September. I probably carries an 'defensive' aura when work mode is on.

I guess amidst all the problems that I face, I need to work on my attitude first. It has been awhile since I sat down and ponder upon my daily actions.

"Find the balance, find the balance..."

I think it is a good time now since I was brought to awareness by another good friend regarding issues involving these area. Since people involved does not want to present the issue before me and talk it through.

Zen mode begins... ohhmmm....

Lunch with The Ladies

Had a quite satisfying lunch today.

Went Esquire Kitchen with the ladies (Val, Ann) today. They have set lunches for working classes nowadays. Just RM 9.90 and you get either noodles/rice tagged with dumplings and biscuits/soup (Lotus Seed Soup/Chicken Feet Soup/Pear Soup or something like that)

Tasty and cheap. Why not? I think by far the most value for money and taste set lunches available in 1 Utama.

Back to the people.

I think in the two years and few months that I've been with the Company, this is the first time three of us sat down together and have a relaxed lunch having conversations more than 5 minutes long. 2nd time I had lunch with Val, my church senior leader. Can you believe that? She is that busy.

That could probably be the reason why every time we manage to meet up it is fun to catch up. Updated each other briefly on work, relationships and anything under the sun.

Feedmelah.com go check it out. Ann and her friends started it. The rough idea was that to introduce good food to everyone. I think it is good because hardly can find any good places to dine on our own especially if we don't travel much.

They just started so hold the critics and give them space and time to grow peeps. Plus Ann will be one of the editors/writers/food critic so be nice to her.

Time to work. Network is pretty slow at the moment, can't really do my tasks. Argh...

Going home

woot. just finish hours of waiting :D

Going home from office now. Ciaozoo.

Timely Update

Been MIA from me blog for quite a while now. Busy with work and then busy with de-stressing after that. Come to think of it, I've been MIA from church settings for quite some time as well, not that I can help it. But will try making myself available.

It's been 1 year and 1 month working in IBM, I think it is time to change settings. Need job with more stress and more pay. But if I do leave IBM, only reason I will miss IBM tons would be all the friends that I've manage to make there till now. Most of them are similar age or wave lengths. Surprisingly, they allow me to be me.

What does that mean? Means that all of them does not force themselves to grow up but rather enjoy the process of being young and being an adult at the same time. It is definitely a mixed feelings and the perspective that they have while facing troubles or hardships varies. But in the end of the day, we still can gather and laugh at each other's childish acts.

Why bother being some one you are not just because some people that you know have tell you off when they don't even know you that well. I don't know, to me anything goes as long as I am alright with it. I don't have to be right all the time and I don't mind making mistakes and enjoy the process of growing up.

Sigh, with such good environment to work at but sudden change of management caused the whole team to go into a frenzy state of unnecessary stressfulness. I think on the last day when my threshold meet its limit, I will allow my distaste to consume me and give my 2 cents to the new manager. That I am capable of...

Oh well, I'm a rebel...

Wadaday: The Limits

I refuse to believe that Mondays are usually the worst day of the entire week. Even if today was a really stressful day, I almost used up my 1 week's worth of patience in 1 day. All thanks to people who envies me being jolly good mood on a Monday. God is working my patience out I think.

First thing in the morning I have to deal with a colleague who's common sense amounts to zero, either that or this colleague of mine likes to see how far can I be pushed before I start being sarcastically mean and start using subtle puns to ruin the day for her. She made me wait for her outside of the office building for 45 mins while she was nicely inside the building enjoying the aircond. A simple instructions such as bring the items to the lobby and load it into the car when I arrive. Now which part of the instructions says that I will be parking my car illegally on the road side and coming down from it to get her from within the building? Urgh...

Then if I wasn't irritated enough, as I returned to the office quickly I was charged at by a user who's machine was dropped carelessly by himself to the ground hence cracking all the parts that could possibly be cracked in a laptop turning a passionately built machine into an unusable piece of junk, despite of having any sense of guilt and regret, this joker have the cheek to demand for a replacement there and then and being all snobbish for no apparent reason as though his ancestors own the runs the company since thousand of years ago. He showed really little respect to the machine and to the guardian of all the machines in IBM - ME...

But I must say, in both situations I reacted professionally and Christian-likely since I did not react negatively or angrily towards both of them. In fact, I was helpful and polite until the very end. Because I just didn't want them to have a bad Monday like me just because of some small incidents. Yes small incidents... nothing to be obsessed about or to be grudging about.

Why did I post up this story then? Well there are two reasons, one is just to remind my readers that a lot of crappy incidents will happen in a lifetime and its not worth our time to be holding on to each and every one of those incidents. Let it go as fast as you can. The second reason would be, I just wanted to test if the Moji on my right will wake up from its deep slumber or not... dumb Moji, been sleeping for the past few days. Grrr...

Have a great week. Ocean 13th here I come...

Wadaday!

Line of the day:

Girl from China: May I know what is the probrem to mai machine?
Me from Blurland: *press press keyboard, no response* Oh, it's your mother'sfault.
Girl from China: Huh?
Me from Blurland: *realized I said the wrong thing and am blushing now* Erm, its your motherboard fault----y.

Sigh... this sorta thing happens when you are kim siah. Plus when you have to handle users all by yourself even tho there are other colleagues around who just wouldn't bother to do their job and for the management not to hire sufficient people to handle the tasks at hand. Was at the verge of letting my frustration and dissatisfaction explode but the better side of me got a hold on myself and woke me up on time. It would be disastrous if I were to dwell in that moment a lil longer.

On a lighter note, suppose to go watch Shrek 3 with Judah and Xiao Wen today but they ffk me. Sad... but good thing my 7th sense told me that it is dangerous to purchase the ticket first so I didn't. Wahahah...

Karyn, I want to watch Blades of Glory!

Random Tuesday

It is the second day that I started work in AlRahji Bank, an assignment given to me by my boss out of the blue. Suppose to support the users here in the bank for 3 weeks until our contracts with them ends. Why must I be sent to this place where there are boredom and zero vibrancy? I need life! I need to do work, give me something to do! Haiz...

Finally watched Vendetta yesterday! The show wasn't that bad but sadly a particular some one find it hard to understand. Haha... poor girl, now I know what type of show you are not going to fully enjoy. :P

Suddenly, I am proud to be a Chinese. But strange enough a lot of Chinese despises their roots. They think that the root brings shame to their name or so they thought. If not because of the Chinese mentality, do they think that they can survive tough situations with all odds against them? Ungrateful bunch of snobbish wannabes. Yeah, our tribe have certain weaknesses and flaws built in into some of our traits, but those are just minor ones. You bananas need to get a grip of the big picture, it is some of the actions done by Chinese that you should be despising and not the tribe or the name itself. You want to have a westernize thinking go ahead, adaptation is one of our tribe's strong trait. But don't come bite the hands that feed you just because you found one shiny bone in some foreign land, the blood in you still smells like Chinese.

Your mama is still a Chinese yo! Your ancestors gonna bounce out from their grave to give you a whoop ass for being ungrateful you hear?

Oops... Bam?!

During a call guiding user to troubleshoot her machine today:

Me: I have helped you to reset your LAN password, can you try again?

User: Ok, give me a moment I...

*suddenly I saw lightning strike so I shouted*
Me: BAM!

*User shocked for a few seconds*
User: Can I call you back later? Bye.

Me: *turn to colleague* Oops, I think I freaked her out...

Colleagues: BWAHAHAHHAHA...

There you have it people, one of those classic moments that will only happen to kim siah...

Plans till June

These few months have been a little bleargh... Well, I went to work, I went back to church, I hang out with friends, enjoyed myself chatting with different people through msn (I'm at my most comfortable self most of the time chatting through msn), found out about some mistakes from the past and am able to apologize to the respective people... yada yada yada...

Yet I still can't help but to feel that all these months have been wasted. No achievements, no productivity, no contribution to make my world a better place. I think I'm missing out on something big but I just can't figure out what.

June 18th, my contract with Manpower will end then. Will I renew it momentarily while looking for another job or will I just reject the contract if the deal does not comes my way? Dilemma Dilemma... now I know how Sarah feels when she is being bothered by not two but four or five choices at a go. Urgh... I guess the answer to my dilemma will be decided in another random ponder session I guess. Tend to do that most of the time.

I think I need a hair cut...

A Toast to Pea Brains

Today is by far, hmm... wait a minute, did I start off a post with this line before? Bah, who cares, anyhow... today is by far the worst day at work ever. Having to put up with incompetence is one thing, but to allow those pea brains to get off the hook after making a big boo boo and having me as the scape goat is totally off the scale. All those times of watching out for them, defending them, in return all that I get is silence and a messed up situation with all the fingers pointing at me.

There might be a line somewhere that I need to draw when being nice to people at work and I think the line must be drawn right here and right now. No more slacks for those pea brains... Well having said that, knowing me, I most probably will just forget about this when I wake up the next morning and everything will just return to normal except for the fact that my clean record as a responsible employee is now being corrupted by this stain caused by these irresponsible, incapable and selfish son and daughters of a pea.

I think if they don't want to use their brains to think, we should replace that brain with a pea and with food and water supply, at least then when they are stranded in the woods, they won't go hungry or thirsty.

Bah... forget it... cheers pea brains, you bring glory to your race once again.

Oh well... shall sleep it off with the singing of Frank.

Je- je- je- Jaded

This week was the roughest week of my entire work history. It was so bad that I felt my knees turn weaker and weaker as the day pass by.

The mistakes of the long gone seniors, the new process that was enforced to the current me, the double role of a green horn, the never ending of request and daily tasks... since when did all these start to weigh down on me? Since when I start to fumble at my post? Since when I was unable to deliver responsibility bestowed upon me even if the odds are against me? Since lately I guess...

I am not sure if I've gotten from bad to worst as I continue to work or the mistakes from the resigned seniors are just to huge even for me to try fixing them. There are too many hidden traps as I go through each details within the departmental process and records. Too many items to be justified, too many loops holes been discovered, too little time, too many people being ridiculous, can't breathe... Then the music starts...

"I was a stranger in the city, out of town where the people I know... What to do, what to do, what to do?" - Frank Sinatra

Well Frank, God is still good despite all these. I reckon we need to rely on HIM if you really don't know what to do anymore.

"How long I wonder could this thing possibly last? But the age of miracles, it hadn't passed...The sun was shining everywhere." - Frank Sinatra

Yup Frank, even if the working blues seems endless but HE is still very much in charge. Wherever HE is, the sun still shines. Well cheer up ol chap, we still live to survive another day. It is the weekend so go get yourself some entertainment will you? I'll see you on Monday Frank.

Ciaozoo...

Work?!

Unlike some fortunate people, work started today! While all my colleagues (the chinese ones) are having a break till end of this week, I have to deal with 30 tickets/users and 101 pending admin work. Micro skills will be obtained soon enough with all these crazy flows of mails, procedures and yada yada... hopefully it will pay off and win me a game of Dota or two in the end of the day.

I believe in the Chinese saying that goes something like this:

"For a general to win a battle and claim the throne, millions shall die"

There is nothing wrong with the saying, because it does not speak of stealing, cheating or destroying. It merely says that many shall be sacrificed in order for you to reach the top, the "many" here can be anything/anyone. It doesn't have to be just your competitors, it could be your attitude or perspective towards certain issues.

Think about it, when you achieve success, surely someone will fail, when you are getting all the lime light, surely someone will be ignored/overlooked. It is not within our control, things such as these just happen. There isn't anything sad or negative about it, losing doesn't mean it is end of the world, it just simply proves that you are not good enough.

So? Get better and win lar!

Saturday is a working day

Lady boss decided to do an inventory check cum spring cleaning with the store room on this Saturday at 9a.m. I am surprised how I was able to wake up and drive to work when the whether this morning was suitable for activities such as sleeping in.

Oh well I am going home now and it's raining outside. Freezing...

Another day hectic at work. At least today I get to eat lunch unlike yesterday where I work through lunch till 9 at night. A colleague sent me this list of characters for March baby, and asked me how far true is the list. Well I can only tell her that characters can be built and there isn't a definite because in Christ everything is possible. Permissible? That would be the only question.

-----------------MARCH BABY --------------------
Attractive personality. Affectionate Shy and
reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
feelings. Observant and assesses others.

March Boy signing off...

I'm still at office! It's 9:20 PM. Why! Work that's why!

But it's raining at the moment and the view from my work place window is really nice, if only I have a camera to capture and post those pics up... oh well...

The other day I reach home bout 9PM, was so tired that I just plop onto my bed and slept all the way till 6 the next morning with my working clothes and contact lens on. I'm that tired... sheesh...

Well, I'm going for a leader's retreat this friday night at RAWANG! woot... but I'm falling sick though... hopefully it will turn out all right...

Tired Boy signing off...

Yesterday was a hell of a day,I was shocked by the cruelty of men and the evilness of office politics. And I truly understand that in this world dogs do eat dogs.

The incident that left my dark side feeding for more as the survival instinct kicks in. Really dreaded that when it happens. Well basically the incident involves a colleague, a boss and a head of security.

The Characters:

The colleague - a person who does not know anything about office politics. With a company like mine, the harsh and cold environment makes the Katabatic winds in Antartica felt like a fan blowing on low setting.Best part is, he don't realize that, his inability to differentiate friends from foes and the ability to rub even the most patient person the wrong way causes his down fall.

The boss - middle aged snake that know too well the game of politics. His way with words are so darn good that he can practically make the execution of Saddam Hussein your fault and make you beg for forgiveness. If only Saddam have him as his attorney.

The head of security (HoS) - a fat pig that was wrongly placed at the place of power hence allowing him to have the authority to ruin some one's life with one word. Other than that, he is pretty useless. He is a true blue royal puppy.

The Story:

On one bright beautiful Wednesday, a lady passed a very important item to the colleague. It was a busy day since the colleague was busy finishing up his job so that he can quit on the start of next month. So without paying much attention to the item, the colleague some how misplaced it. *busy wussy*

After a week have passed, the owner of the item rang up the boss for the item and guess what? My colleague have no idea or what so ever where is the item placed. That causes a panic. After a round of searching, they could not find the item. *how now how now*

And being the not so bright person my colleague was, he opened his mouth and as he is trying to explain himself, he dig a much larger grave for himself. The boss just wait patiently for the time to come so that he could remove my colleague once and for all. *shhhhhhhhh*

Another week pass by and the owner is getting impatient, without any other choices, the HoS was called in and people that were involved with the item was interrogated one by one. Yes, as you can see by now, the grave is slightly bigger than before because it required talking skills which of course the colleague does not have. *dup dup dup dup*

After the interrogations, the boss and several others was lead to the security room to confirm their statement by matching them with the recordings caught on CCTV. To the amazement of all, the CCTV shows that after the item was left inside the room where the colleague was sitting, it did not left the room. *gasp*

The run another round of search and found the item nicely placed on a table in another room next to where the colleague was working. It was at such an obvious spot everyone was dumbfound how could they have missed it. *urh urh*

Well, case solved and the story ends here right? Noooooo WAy! Two hours later, the colleague was escorted out of the office building by several security guards quietly. I found out only much later when the colleague smsed me to say goodbye. And at that time I was about to mail out an invitation to the people in my department for a farewell party organized specially for this colleague. The irony... *bam*

Reason of dismiss? The HoS claimed that because he suspect the colleague hence the colleague have to leave the company within 24 hours (yeah rite, he just doesn't like my colleague cos of pass history), and instead of defending the colleague (cos other than being forgetful, wth did he do wrong to deserve such humiliation?) the boss just explained that it wasn't his call and there is nothing he can do. *me fuming with flame*

Sigh! The world still spins, I have to take up the colleague's role even he have not taught me everything yet. Ready or not, this is a do or die situation. Argh! I can't wait to get into the place of power so that I can teach these two egomaniac a lesson they will not forget. *evil laugh*

- The End -

Life still goes on, I'm signing off now, the dark side is calling...