Maths!

*click to enlarge*

And I thought I was the only one with bad instincts while doing math. I guess the tiger is not very far off from me.

=.="

Med School

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

For Laughs

From a colleague:

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son'.

Blonde and Cars...

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'


She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..'


She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.


The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.


She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'


She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'

Funny!

One fine day I would wish to be able to pull this off towards some clients of mine.

Heh...sooo funny!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."

CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

C: "I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Unconventional Hang Man

This is dang funny... only a pure genius can come up with this. ROFL...

Oops... Bam?!

During a call guiding user to troubleshoot her machine today:

Me: I have helped you to reset your LAN password, can you try again?

User: Ok, give me a moment I...

*suddenly I saw lightning strike so I shouted*
Me: BAM!

*User shocked for a few seconds*
User: Can I call you back later? Bye.

Me: *turn to colleague* Oops, I think I freaked her out...

Colleagues: BWAHAHAHHAHA...

There you have it people, one of those classic moments that will only happen to kim siah...

To Do List

15 funny things you can do when you are in the mall:

1) Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3) Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4) Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.

5) Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.

6) Moved a 'Caution -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.

8) If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”

9) Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.

10) While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11) Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12) In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.

13) Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14) When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15) Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

*excerpts from a mail I received*

Love in Wrong Format

Good Comebacks

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Window Vista?!