It is decided.

Have been applying for jobs for the pass few months.

Went for 3 interviews.

Both 3 was an eye opener. And well, had my fair share of being slapped on the face by reality for being ill equipped with the necessary skills to sell myself.

A manager for one of these company called me this afternoon and offered me a job with a pay cut.

A friend told me that I should consider where my passion lies and then only pursue towards the career path because it will be back to square one if I don't fully enjoy what I am doing.

The thing is, I don't really have passion. At least not anymore. The only time I was really passionate and was willing to give my entire life into working things out is when I was still together with my previous girlfriend.

Other than that, I've never really have anything that I truly enjoyed doing. I don't mind doing anything or everything but I just don't feel the excitement. Maybe because of that, I'm such a bore.

Bumi company + pay cut + unknown benefits + unknown passion = hell no.

But in the end I decided to dive head in and give it a good try. Gosh, I seriously have no idea how to pay for my expenses with this pay cut.

I've always been not too bright. And a tad bit too straight forward. One day my downfall might be caused by that.

I think I need to learn how to have fun.

A Not So Dull 2009

Year end is closing in.

2010 dropping by like 2009 was just yesterday.

The sweet sour bitter of 2009 will remain as valuable experiences and memories.

Merry Christmas to all and just in case I party too hard, have a great new year as well!

Quarter of a decade and I think this time, I really need a sound resolution for the year 2010.

Come on, how long can a dude chill when his career is not even built?

Discipline. Need tons of them. Lots of things need to be done.

I will take time to plan out 2010. Won't be having a super uber packed 2010 but at least there are things that I want to achieve by the time it ends.

Why waste life when you can enjoy it to the fullest with a little bit of goals and objectives in the end?

Make it a fruitful year. Every single bit. Realize the reality of when time flies, boy do these suckers fly.

Back to the drawing board for me.

God! Guidance, Wisdom, Grace, Blessings and Mercy from you puhleeeze!

"Lifeeeeeee... oooooooh.... life...."

One Way Ticket To The Blue

It happened 3 days ago.

On a bright Saturday morning.

The dreaded phone call finally arrive.

After 10 minutes worth of conversation, a relationship that lasted 9 months is officially ended by the other party.

Initial reaction was "What did I do wrong?" and "Are there ways that we can work this out?" but deep down inside, I know there is not much left to be done or said.

It was nobody's fault, just that someone decided to let circumstances get the better of them and I am no longer the priority. I was not the priority to begin with.

Pain grips my heart. At this point, I can only suppress my emotions by reasoning and concluded I am just not good enough. No looks, no career, no money, no nothing. I don't even have the character to boot, don't even mention intelligence.

I was too careless to think that I've found my match and place all hope, emotions, energy and love into the relationship. Brought the love boat to overgear and before I know it, crash, boom, bang...

Yet there are no resentment towards her. I loved her and I still do. And am trying constantly to uphold my composure especially when I'm with her, my now new found friend. Caring for her as usual.

Only thing I can ask of her is to have patience and just bear with me as I slowly recover from this disaster. I don't mind the extra effort of taking her under my wings, I don't have to but my heart says it is only right to do so.

However, she assumed yet again. And decided on behalf of me that I don't want to talk to her face to face and that I don't have any obligation at all to continue taking care of her. In fact, she even apologize for breaking up.

Well, I don't know if you are reading this. If you do then let me tell you this again, you don't have to apologize for breaking up. You are free to choose the path you want to take. Don't feel sorry for me because I will get over this according to my own time. Just do me a favor and be a friend, and try to understand that for the time being I'm going to be blue for awhile because you gave me a one way ticket to heartbreak hotel. Corny, I know.

I'll survive.

Somehow.

Fi Fly Fo Fum. Dum Dee Di Dumb.

We are living in a world that everybody thinks they know about life because they have met with some down tides before.

Naturally, their every sentence will ring with philosophical terms along with poetic arrangements to it.

Bunch of noob ass that doesn't know anything about anything. I hate.

Especially those who impose their views on you.

Just because you have had bad experiences in life doesn't mean you have the right to pollute the younger generations with your skewed and skeptic mindset.

You can always advice and give a pointer or two, but to misguide and then corrupt the very essence of purity of a young person's growing perspective is just overboard.

Mistake have no master, it belongs to everyone.

That is correct, while you are thinking that you are perfect, you are capable to screw up the next second. For all you know, you probably are screwing up right now!

Or you are so screwed up and realize that you are, that is why you are trying to screw everything up for everybody around you?

Fi Fly Fo Fum. Dum Dee Di Dumb.

Or I am but just another noob ass who thinks I know it all.

Every effing pun intended.

Help. Gastric. Pain. Ouch.

*ouch*

Updates on March!

My birthday was a peaceful one. Spent lunch with my lovely girlfriend and at night had a simple meal with mom and dad and a simple cake cutting ritual.

Cake was awesome, American Chocolate. Delicious!

Birthday aside, I have started going back to CG lately and am enjoying myself in the presents of God loving and fearing people. Something that I have neglected for quite a while now, wonder why I went MIA in the first place. Work, tiredness… etc, I think none of the excuses sounds right to me now.

Work have been getting slow lately. Worries me since I’m still under probation and if were to change job, it would be rather tough unless if I deviates from my current field. No point thinking about it now though, a step at a time.

I’m getting fatter by the day! I was alarmed with I notice my belly is developing exceptionally well; hence it triggered me to pay the gym a visit. Will start to jog or hitting the gym frequently from now on, no way in hell that I want to have the same size belly as my dad! NEVER!

Had a good chat with Metal recently about life and about almost everything under the sun. To conclude our conversation, I think all men are the same despite intelligence or experience. Only men will understand men. Even if it meant risking myself sounding like a gay but it is very true. We can understand each other’s worries without having to say much.

Oh well, am sick and hungry now. Shivering in the office even after I put on my jacket. Can’t wait till lunch time. Roar!

Maths!

*click to enlarge*

And I thought I was the only one with bad instincts while doing math. I guess the tiger is not very far off from me.

=.="

In the mood to write

It is told that never mingle around people who are unequally yolk too much because some how or rather, these people will drag you down to their level in due time. The process is so gradual that even after it happens, you’ll only be realizing it after your knees went too deep.

Many of you might be having a judgmental opinion on the above paragraph - Arrogant. But I can assure you, it is nothing more but a sincere advice. Surely those who have been through such situation can attest to that. I for one, as non excellent as I am do fully agree with such an advice.

People from different backgrounds often have these presets of view towards one another. Most of the time I find myself guilty for having such negative and unfair views embedded in me, it doesn’t even take me a blink of an eye to open my mouth and start spewing rubbish. Even though some of the time I might be correct, but it is the attitude of it that I despise myself for having. Sometimes I wonder if it is that important to be correct all the time.

Hate myself the most when the irrationality part of me dies down and when I start to recall back all that happened in the day. Most of the time I would regret for having a more efficient mouth rather than a more efficient brain since all the negativity that comes out does not build nor construct but tears down and destroys.

It is fascinating that 9 out of 10 people that I know have this “disease”, yet it is not entirely incurable. All we need is to be discipline in holding our tongues and have a more positive mindset towards life. That should do the trick. However to some, they are too warped in the space of negativity that they will never come back.

Sad huh?

Not really.

Since the solutions above mainly rely on ones discipline, there is this other element called faith. Faith entrusted to the mighty God Himself. Much practice is required before I can call myself a man with the faith of a mustard seed. With so much of distractions, laziness, compromising and complacency going around, faith and prayer would be the only weapon against all which is not of constructiveness.

Writer’s note:

Wasn’t too sure how to put down into words for the thoughts that have been running in my mind, this is the best that I can do for a little part of it. So till I can record down all that is locked away in my mind “vault”, take care and have a nice evening.

Happy CNY (Belated)

Wow...

It is already approaching the third week in my new job and from my last entry till now much have happened.

Too much to tell too little time but nonetheless, these experiences are priceless. Not all are enjoyable but like I always say:" It is all part of the growing up process."

So far have not done anything BIG for my new job yet. Nope. Wonder if there will be any this year. Market is bad but if this job does not bring any satisfaction at all in terms of experience and knowledge gaining, it is time to resend out my resume again after a year since it is not offering any monetary satisfactory in the first place.

Even though the hiring manager tells me that the job is as exciting as I want it to be, but hey, how "Exciting" things will get with limited budget, limited authority, and as well as limited staff size? I don't even feel nice requesting the company to send me off for a trainings.

Maybe I should just be patient and wait till the end of year to see what springs up.

Happy Chinese New Year by the way! Even though it is already over but its the thought that counts right?

Oh well, back to looking busy in my humble cubicle. It is green in color by the way. Will take some pictures soon. Won't want to look like a lunatic taking pictures when all my colleagues are around busy with their tasks.

Ciaozoo.

Happy New Year!

1st Jan 2009 came and went like a breeze.

Many things had happened from Dec 08 till Jan 09, it is as though circumstances and incidents took over life rather than me being on top of these factors and charting my voyage with careful considerations. However, in the end things seems to be running pretty alright.

Michelle and I have took several leaps in our relationship, many things have taken place without our planning pulling us closer to each other and yet at times it does feel surreal since having a girlfriend at 25 is not something that I have anticipated.

Relationship is not always smooth sailing - I use to know this for a fact but now after experiencing it first hand, it brings a whole lot a different meaning to the statement. Relationship is definitely a handbook that encompasses many of life's lesson.

There is no way one could score all Aces in such a huge subject, yet most of the us would not think twice taking up this course.

In the end of the day, my constant hope is that both Michelle and I will be able to get through this tough lesson and still remain together.

On another note, am counting down to the day I start work in the new company. Am pretty anxious since I've yet to get a drift of how things work in the new environment. One thing is for sure, I'm no longer indecisive about my decision to take up this new job. It is definitely a challenge awaiting me, we shall see who will yield in the end of it all.

Muahaha...

Well, Happy New Year to all! Was too busy with life and love the pass few weeks.

May all of you have a fruitful yet enjoyable year.

God bless...