In the mood to write

It is told that never mingle around people who are unequally yolk too much because some how or rather, these people will drag you down to their level in due time. The process is so gradual that even after it happens, you’ll only be realizing it after your knees went too deep.

Many of you might be having a judgmental opinion on the above paragraph - Arrogant. But I can assure you, it is nothing more but a sincere advice. Surely those who have been through such situation can attest to that. I for one, as non excellent as I am do fully agree with such an advice.

People from different backgrounds often have these presets of view towards one another. Most of the time I find myself guilty for having such negative and unfair views embedded in me, it doesn’t even take me a blink of an eye to open my mouth and start spewing rubbish. Even though some of the time I might be correct, but it is the attitude of it that I despise myself for having. Sometimes I wonder if it is that important to be correct all the time.

Hate myself the most when the irrationality part of me dies down and when I start to recall back all that happened in the day. Most of the time I would regret for having a more efficient mouth rather than a more efficient brain since all the negativity that comes out does not build nor construct but tears down and destroys.

It is fascinating that 9 out of 10 people that I know have this “disease”, yet it is not entirely incurable. All we need is to be discipline in holding our tongues and have a more positive mindset towards life. That should do the trick. However to some, they are too warped in the space of negativity that they will never come back.

Sad huh?

Not really.

Since the solutions above mainly rely on ones discipline, there is this other element called faith. Faith entrusted to the mighty God Himself. Much practice is required before I can call myself a man with the faith of a mustard seed. With so much of distractions, laziness, compromising and complacency going around, faith and prayer would be the only weapon against all which is not of constructiveness.

Writer’s note:

Wasn’t too sure how to put down into words for the thoughts that have been running in my mind, this is the best that I can do for a little part of it. So till I can record down all that is locked away in my mind “vault”, take care and have a nice evening.

Confused

For those who have been reading the newspapers or following the news in the country diligently, I'm am very sure by now you are well aware of how messed up our country's legal system is.

For a guy who spew rubbish that caused Malaysian to feel uncomfortable due to the racist context, all he had was a 3 years suspension from joining a political party.

As for the reporter who reported the exact words from such a fucking asshole (do pardon my language, I am very very pissed now), she get detained by ISA without prior court notice, and newspapers like The Sun, Sin Chew Jit Poh, and so forth are being sent warning letters for publishing what? The truth?

Now, in other normal country, the police, the anti bribe department, the national security department are all being monitored by the law and of course the people. Because in the end of the day, we tax payers are the ones who pay them for their services in order to safe guard the welfare of the people.

So now, in Malaysia, who are the ones that are monitoring the judiciary system and all the similar law enforcement sectors ? We the people (even though it is quite wrong because among us people, there are some just too bloody stupid to think for themselves) or political leaders?

Hmm, I wonder.

Well, I have no idea what will happened to me once I publish this post, but in the end of the day, I am just addressing these questions to whoever capable in answering.

Do educate me if you have a better view on how all these works in this country, because I have no idea who are the ones in the country that are appointed and paid to take care of the welfare of us Malaysians anymore.

merdeka... merdeka... merdeka!

All races celebrating National Day

Woot. 51st National Day celebration finally ended.

Good to see all Malaysian despite the current messy political and economical state stood side by side and yelled MERDEKA! as one.

So if you ask me who am I, where I am from and what race am I? Here is the answer:

Name: Siah
Country: Malaysia
Race: Malaysian

Yup. I am a Malaysian. Despite color, despite language or dialects, despite religion and despite many more differences, I am born in Malaysia, living in Malaysia and proud to be a Malaysian.

This country is mine to claim as well and no cheap ass politicians can take that away from me no matter what they say or do.

Happy Merdeka to all Malaysians out there no matter where you are currently. Cheers.

Enough of patriotism, went check out Myvi finally and finally made a booking for the car. Well, soon enough I'll be couple of hundred short each month but I guess it is alright since I can finally claim that this is my car, fully paid by me and I am the owner. :)

However, bad thing is, a friend of mine who stayed a few streets away got his 20 year old Nissan car stolen just yesterday. He woke up today and found out that the old trusty no where to be seen.

Syucks, just when I am about to get a new car and this happen near my neighbourhood. Car thieves, screw you all. Can't you guys just work hard and earn a living instead of taking other's belongings for your own profit?

I think we do need a Dark Knight.

美人关

英雄从古至今有哪一个能安然无恙的闯过美人关?
若英雄也难以闯关,一届平民的在下又有何的何能独自胜任闯关大将呢?
美人也罢,闯关也罢,
大将也罢,平民也罢,
最终若能踏实的活至人生的最尽头,
无悔也无愁不亦乐乎,矣!

Core

The center of my being, the core, the source of life that is moving me about… Have I allow God to be at that place of power in my life? After reading Aunty Chiew Har's email, I felt more compelled to pay more attention in discovering the answers to the question above. Her email is like a timely alarm that wakes me up from my drowsiness after being drunk with life's affairs which consists of the usual ups and downs moments.

I've been an ambassador of Christ for almost 6 years now and I clearly remembered that my progress of reaching out have been rather stagnant. But nonetheless, I am still trying my very best each day to be a light unto people around me and as surprisingly as I might sound, I find that I do glorify HIS name in a very unique way, a way that HE tailored right into my character. It might not be a huge revival movement, but I believe as time pass and as I continue to have the love and passion when I first accepted Christ, HIS ways will be revealed in due time.

Yes, I must profess this loudly so that my journey in this lifetime will impactful and that more and more of HIM are seen in my actions and behaviors.

However at the age of 23, I will still live life with pretty much spontaneous vibrancy as much as my remaining strength generated from my old body could sustain.

For the Broken Hearted

This week been really tough for me to go through because a girl that I like or should I say I thought I had feelings for got together with a good friend after telling me that she is not into relationship yet. Makes me feel like a looser at first, but she was pretty nice to me by saying nice things like "You are a good person" yada yada yada... And then having her now boyfriend calling me after that to say "Hey, I hope this won't affect our friendship. We still can hang out together right?" Yup, hang out like a happy family I replied.

All this happened within a day and suddenly, I felt so helpless. I wouldn't really use the word looser because I did not go after the girl or do anything special to get her attention or so forth. I just merely told her a long time ago that I kinda like her. So technically speaking it was as good as nothing. But I doubt it will happen anyway because of obvious issues like compatibility and bla bla bla... Yet it still hurts even though the feelings I had for her wasn't as strong as before.

So thinking that this is bad, I tried to vent to a friend whom I know and so happen to see online the next morning since I was pretty bored in Alrajhi. I guess I was really being a wuss here and looking for comfort at a wrong place hence forth I was being called annoying. That I annoyed the day lights out of this friend. I was puzzled actually at first, but then I found out that actually the friend got annoyed because I was whining too much, being very negative about myself. But couldn't blame my friend because she got pretty unhappy before I was able to finish my ill fated story. Plus I emphasized the fact that she is important to me a lil too much. However, she was honest and told me that there are no hope between us even before I could do anything in years to come. Bam... Double Whammy. At this point of time, if you were me, you would feel like you are the world most unworthy piece of crap because two girls in the span of two days deny you of any chance to go after them long before you have taken any actions. *Ouch*

The friend was so happen to be a girl, yes you are right, what in the world am I doing venting to a girl right? So I am asking for it isn't it? Yes you are right as well. So up to this portion of the post, moral of the story is that listen to your pastors when they say guy go to guy and girl go to girl when it comes to love affairs and advices. Go to your pastors or older leaders and not peers, peers don't really help much other than making things complicated for you because they give you too many choices. Pastors will only tell you yes, no or wait, simple as that.

So the reason I wrote this post sharing my feelings and being really vulnerable here is because I hope who ever that faced or are facing the same issue to not think about it too much and trust God in all that is happening. Yes, even if you have to be a 40 years old virgin. Because in the end of the day when it comes to issue of the heart and freedom of choice, we are really not in control and should not try to dominate the situation or even having the slightest smart aleck idea of trying to play God. You will just end up getting burned. Helplessness is all that we can find if we tried to force our way through.

Woohoo so to end this random but yet personal post, I would like to say a big thank you to those who went mamak and dagei with me. Leoric, koala and metal, thanks for the time even though I doubt you guys know how much does the incident affected me. But I am alright now, I can say that through the few days of pain and reflections that I went through, I understand a lil bit more about myself. No I am not a looser, I am just not ready yet to go into a relationship. Maybe next year? I think I will withheld all feelings from now on and really learn to guard my heart. It will be tough considering the fact that I get close to people I like very fast and I am a very personal person. Sissy eh? haha... well that is me, a sensitive man. I can still be macho if I want to.

Have a great week, I am having holiday from Monday to Wednesday. Yeah babeh...

Random Tuesday

It is the second day that I started work in AlRahji Bank, an assignment given to me by my boss out of the blue. Suppose to support the users here in the bank for 3 weeks until our contracts with them ends. Why must I be sent to this place where there are boredom and zero vibrancy? I need life! I need to do work, give me something to do! Haiz...

Finally watched Vendetta yesterday! The show wasn't that bad but sadly a particular some one find it hard to understand. Haha... poor girl, now I know what type of show you are not going to fully enjoy. :P

Suddenly, I am proud to be a Chinese. But strange enough a lot of Chinese despises their roots. They think that the root brings shame to their name or so they thought. If not because of the Chinese mentality, do they think that they can survive tough situations with all odds against them? Ungrateful bunch of snobbish wannabes. Yeah, our tribe have certain weaknesses and flaws built in into some of our traits, but those are just minor ones. You bananas need to get a grip of the big picture, it is some of the actions done by Chinese that you should be despising and not the tribe or the name itself. You want to have a westernize thinking go ahead, adaptation is one of our tribe's strong trait. But don't come bite the hands that feed you just because you found one shiny bone in some foreign land, the blood in you still smells like Chinese.

Your mama is still a Chinese yo! Your ancestors gonna bounce out from their grave to give you a whoop ass for being ungrateful you hear?

Saturday Night Movie

Watched Stomp the Yard today, as what described by Koala as a sissified niggah movie due to the weird gay-ish hand signs plus all of the actors+tress are surprisingly all nigs. Don't get me wrong, I laugh at racist jokes and that is about it, am not extra racist here but it is Hollywood, strange that they don't have a strong cast. But nonetheless, I enjoyed the movie despite what Metal and Koala thinks. I have Leoric to agree with me on that so 2vs2, draw game.

That aside, lately I can't help but to wonder if I will ever achieve any good to at least honor God for my existence, as a token of appreciation for creating me. I did not wander too far before my thoughts hit a brick wall, seems like one fine day I will just move on from this world as a passer by, not making any impact or leaving any marks on the entire journey called life.

Hmm... well, I can continue to think and not try but I choose try. At least I can get into some action, end result matters but not so important for me since I just don't want to loose out without taking a shot at all possible opportunities. Even if there isn't any, I will keep knocking on doors until there is one.

I guess there you have it, I have decided what to do with life in just a post. Now that my mind is made up, just need to get up later for church... argh... it is already 4 a.m!

Work?!

Unlike some fortunate people, work started today! While all my colleagues (the chinese ones) are having a break till end of this week, I have to deal with 30 tickets/users and 101 pending admin work. Micro skills will be obtained soon enough with all these crazy flows of mails, procedures and yada yada... hopefully it will pay off and win me a game of Dota or two in the end of the day.

I believe in the Chinese saying that goes something like this:

"For a general to win a battle and claim the throne, millions shall die"

There is nothing wrong with the saying, because it does not speak of stealing, cheating or destroying. It merely says that many shall be sacrificed in order for you to reach the top, the "many" here can be anything/anyone. It doesn't have to be just your competitors, it could be your attitude or perspective towards certain issues.

Think about it, when you achieve success, surely someone will fail, when you are getting all the lime light, surely someone will be ignored/overlooked. It is not within our control, things such as these just happen. There isn't anything sad or negative about it, losing doesn't mean it is end of the world, it just simply proves that you are not good enough.

So? Get better and win lar!

Coming up:

Old and New Wineskins

But before that, people my birthday is March the 10th and I know what I want for my birthday. Check this babeh out! I like this sexeh babeh like a BBQ pit likes marshmallow...

Apple IPhone

Currently I am looking out my office window towards the highway that leads to my house. I have a pretty nice view up here since it is the 18th floor. Traffic today suprisingly isn't that busy like usual, cars just move about loosely without having to crawl, heck there's even ample space for cars to do a few stunts before heading towards their routinal destination.

At this point I'm pretty relax since I've completed my task for the day. Normally when I'm relaxed, I'll start to ponder about issues of life, of the world, of philosophies, and even at times ponder about the thoughts that my brain generates. It is pretty weird to see yourself at a 3rd person's perspective but can't really deny the fact that it is pretty fun as well.

So today's topic was on "The kid inside of Me". Hmm... I'm 22 years old and I am already in the working world leaving footsteps behind one achievement or one failure at a time, trying to stand on my own and be independent in my thoughts and as well as financialy... all part of growing up and part of the transition to young adulthood. Well it is obvious that I'm no longer a kid but if I continue to develop myself, where does the childlike part of me going to end up? Do I still have space for this kid to roam around freely without having to be pressurized by the expectations of this world? Does this kid still have the opportunity to come out and play and not being push aside or overlooked?

It is known that we should have childlike faith, so ultimately this kid in me must not DIE! If not then there will be not much faith or passion left to serve under our Father's kingdom. Availability do counts but all in all, only a child would have no sense of pride which contributes a big part for a person to be a humble servant to God and to his fellow comrades in Christ. So conclusion is, I STILL WANT TO BE A KID! A matured kid who knows how to balance between fun and work. heh...

Oh well, time to go home. Have a great day tomorrow dear friends and readers.

Big Kid Signing out...