For the Broken Hearted

This week been really tough for me to go through because a girl that I like or should I say I thought I had feelings for got together with a good friend after telling me that she is not into relationship yet. Makes me feel like a looser at first, but she was pretty nice to me by saying nice things like "You are a good person" yada yada yada... And then having her now boyfriend calling me after that to say "Hey, I hope this won't affect our friendship. We still can hang out together right?" Yup, hang out like a happy family I replied.

All this happened within a day and suddenly, I felt so helpless. I wouldn't really use the word looser because I did not go after the girl or do anything special to get her attention or so forth. I just merely told her a long time ago that I kinda like her. So technically speaking it was as good as nothing. But I doubt it will happen anyway because of obvious issues like compatibility and bla bla bla... Yet it still hurts even though the feelings I had for her wasn't as strong as before.

So thinking that this is bad, I tried to vent to a friend whom I know and so happen to see online the next morning since I was pretty bored in Alrajhi. I guess I was really being a wuss here and looking for comfort at a wrong place hence forth I was being called annoying. That I annoyed the day lights out of this friend. I was puzzled actually at first, but then I found out that actually the friend got annoyed because I was whining too much, being very negative about myself. But couldn't blame my friend because she got pretty unhappy before I was able to finish my ill fated story. Plus I emphasized the fact that she is important to me a lil too much. However, she was honest and told me that there are no hope between us even before I could do anything in years to come. Bam... Double Whammy. At this point of time, if you were me, you would feel like you are the world most unworthy piece of crap because two girls in the span of two days deny you of any chance to go after them long before you have taken any actions. *Ouch*

The friend was so happen to be a girl, yes you are right, what in the world am I doing venting to a girl right? So I am asking for it isn't it? Yes you are right as well. So up to this portion of the post, moral of the story is that listen to your pastors when they say guy go to guy and girl go to girl when it comes to love affairs and advices. Go to your pastors or older leaders and not peers, peers don't really help much other than making things complicated for you because they give you too many choices. Pastors will only tell you yes, no or wait, simple as that.

So the reason I wrote this post sharing my feelings and being really vulnerable here is because I hope who ever that faced or are facing the same issue to not think about it too much and trust God in all that is happening. Yes, even if you have to be a 40 years old virgin. Because in the end of the day when it comes to issue of the heart and freedom of choice, we are really not in control and should not try to dominate the situation or even having the slightest smart aleck idea of trying to play God. You will just end up getting burned. Helplessness is all that we can find if we tried to force our way through.

Woohoo so to end this random but yet personal post, I would like to say a big thank you to those who went mamak and dagei with me. Leoric, koala and metal, thanks for the time even though I doubt you guys know how much does the incident affected me. But I am alright now, I can say that through the few days of pain and reflections that I went through, I understand a lil bit more about myself. No I am not a looser, I am just not ready yet to go into a relationship. Maybe next year? I think I will withheld all feelings from now on and really learn to guard my heart. It will be tough considering the fact that I get close to people I like very fast and I am a very personal person. Sissy eh? haha... well that is me, a sensitive man. I can still be macho if I want to.

Have a great week, I am having holiday from Monday to Wednesday. Yeah babeh...

Random Tuesday

It is the second day that I started work in AlRahji Bank, an assignment given to me by my boss out of the blue. Suppose to support the users here in the bank for 3 weeks until our contracts with them ends. Why must I be sent to this place where there are boredom and zero vibrancy? I need life! I need to do work, give me something to do! Haiz...

Finally watched Vendetta yesterday! The show wasn't that bad but sadly a particular some one find it hard to understand. Haha... poor girl, now I know what type of show you are not going to fully enjoy. :P

Suddenly, I am proud to be a Chinese. But strange enough a lot of Chinese despises their roots. They think that the root brings shame to their name or so they thought. If not because of the Chinese mentality, do they think that they can survive tough situations with all odds against them? Ungrateful bunch of snobbish wannabes. Yeah, our tribe have certain weaknesses and flaws built in into some of our traits, but those are just minor ones. You bananas need to get a grip of the big picture, it is some of the actions done by Chinese that you should be despising and not the tribe or the name itself. You want to have a westernize thinking go ahead, adaptation is one of our tribe's strong trait. But don't come bite the hands that feed you just because you found one shiny bone in some foreign land, the blood in you still smells like Chinese.

Your mama is still a Chinese yo! Your ancestors gonna bounce out from their grave to give you a whoop ass for being ungrateful you hear?

Steph Tham! Happy Birthday!

A birthday shout out to Stephanie Tham. May you have a blessed and enjoyable birthday.

Their Generation

Super cool lor, who say old folks aren't up to date? They even have a song about their generation. Heh... My Generation Babeh!

This week's update

1) Went out with Metal and Matthew for a drink, a dinner and a whooping 2 hours cybercafe-revisited. It's been long since metal return to the dark side and start gaming at cybercafes, thanks to Matthew, now all the previous effort of resisting the temptation to play games went to waste. Why you go and do that Matthew? tsk tsk tsk... :)

2) Went PC Fair on Sat after my college friend begged me to follow him, haha, i think he is reading this, but who cares, its my blog! The new Core 2 Duo processor are really cool! Window Vista is a no no for me for now, too many bugs and incompatibilities, have to relearn the whole navigation thingy majingy... Don't think I want to do that now. If only I won the lottery for 20k, then I would have a super powerful PC that I can play free cell with hundred times (or even more) the speed faster! I think PC Fair is a fascinating event if you ask me, so many chics er... gadgets to look at. syucks, blogspot don't have the line across function to cut out chics... aaaaaa....

3) Went church and then Futsal after that. I think I sprained my thumb. The goalie gloves don't work one, they are suppose to absorb all the impact which apparently they did not. WHY! haha... but had fun ler, so tired now. Yueh, Jean and Kwisty came for the girl's futsal session but once again, they went home with disappointment because no other girl turn up for the game. Shame on you all!

4) Dinner with my parents at SS2 and guess who I bumped into? Pastor Judah and his beloved wife Mrs Xiao Wen and they are in their normal house clothings! I think sometimes I must remind myself that pastors are very much human. Had ABC and cheese coated chicken chop, woohoo so fun to eat a varieties of food at a go! Sumore parents pay one... Wahaha!

5) Ok last one, go visit www.xanga.com/metalrage k! His latest post very insightful. Any girl interested in getting a witty, humorous, intelligent and good looking (his brother lar maybe) boyfriend? Give me a call and I'll hook both of you up for free! :) Hope he is not reading this now.

Have a great weekend, if all that you are doing seems overwhelming, take a break and reassess the importance of what you are doing, sometimes you find that you can actually not be too hard on yourself or push yourself too hard when it is not that important a task after all. Only applies to hardworking people, lazy bums like me must push ourselves harder, you hear!

Come for prayer meeting at Wednesday! Time for Chow Sing Chee show, bye!

College Fees

Hotel in Thailand

Anyone want to go Thailand with me for a holiday?

Where's my car?

Walking to the car park when belle sent me a message:

Me: Eh...

Belle: B... C
(coz she thinks A then B then C... get it? Not funny right? haha...)

Me: Paul sent the message d lar. You sleeping isit? Sound liddet one...
(walking from Open air parking bay to B2 looking for my car)

Belle: I'm sick lar.

Me: Better go eat medicine. Syucks where did I park my car?
(now walking from B2 to Rooftop parking bay because still cannot find my car)

Belle: Bwahahaha...

In the end I found my car at basement just next to the entrance... o.O"

You better eat medicine belle, I'm going to ask John to bring medicine for you. :P Laugh sumore...

Oops... Bam?!

During a call guiding user to troubleshoot her machine today:

Me: I have helped you to reset your LAN password, can you try again?

User: Ok, give me a moment I...

*suddenly I saw lightning strike so I shouted*
Me: BAM!

*User shocked for a few seconds*
User: Can I call you back later? Bye.

Me: *turn to colleague* Oops, I think I freaked her out...

Colleagues: BWAHAHAHHAHA...

There you have it people, one of those classic moments that will only happen to kim siah...

Plans till June

These few months have been a little bleargh... Well, I went to work, I went back to church, I hang out with friends, enjoyed myself chatting with different people through msn (I'm at my most comfortable self most of the time chatting through msn), found out about some mistakes from the past and am able to apologize to the respective people... yada yada yada...

Yet I still can't help but to feel that all these months have been wasted. No achievements, no productivity, no contribution to make my world a better place. I think I'm missing out on something big but I just can't figure out what.

June 18th, my contract with Manpower will end then. Will I renew it momentarily while looking for another job or will I just reject the contract if the deal does not comes my way? Dilemma Dilemma... now I know how Sarah feels when she is being bothered by not two but four or five choices at a go. Urgh... I guess the answer to my dilemma will be decided in another random ponder session I guess. Tend to do that most of the time.

I think I need a hair cut...

To Do List

15 funny things you can do when you are in the mall:

1) Take 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2) Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3) Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4) Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.

5) Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-buy.

6) Moved a 'Caution -WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7) Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite the in if they'll bring pillows.

8) If any staff offers him assistance he begins to cry and asks, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?”

9) Looked right into the security camera; used it a mirror, and picked his nose.

10) While in the gun department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11) Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12) In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna Look" using different size funnels.

13) Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14) When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

15) Went in the fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

*excerpts from a mail I received*