For the coming 1 year, it is really going to be a struggle for me.
I'm not one who can hide feelings well nor can I do things that are against how I really feel constantly for too long.
Yet if this is what it takes, I really do think it is worth it.
There is no guarantee to the outcome. Yet I would choose to believe whatever happens, even though it is my fleshly desires that are making the decisions, God will somehow set the destination right.
How ever much I would deviate from the intended course that God wanted me to (am not saying I am already deviating or will be deviating) I trust in His constant guidance.
My only prayer is that I come out a better person loving and fearing God more, and at the same time, I can bring a special person back to His kingdom through His divine intervention.
Love is something that I know not very well of. Hence wait is the only thing left for me to do. Care and concerns will be poured out to an acceptable extent.
To the special person who will be reading this in due time, do whatever it takes to go back to God. A relationship with Him is worth any struggles and sacrifice for His grace and mercy are ever new and He shall be the only pillar, the only rock foundation that will not waver when we need strength and comfort in times of need. Do not wait any longer. We really wouldn't know when will we meet our end for this portion of life.
There are no substances nor relationships that could replace Him. Do not look at wrong places to fill the emptiness within you for only He could do that.
My prayer is that your own convictions will be strong enough to spur you back to God again and in the same time start visiting churches and find one which you can confide in and learn more of His word and teachings.
Well its almost 2 a.m. I better head home from office. Long day ahead tomorrow and I believe I need the extra hours of rest.
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Was it too fast or was it love?
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine
-St. Augustine
Monday, July 19, 2010
alwaysbettertousebrain...
Spent the night a friend's place trying to ease the job load.
Went through a long night of manual typing, dozing off in between and gave myself a very very very very stiff neck during the process and finally manage to finish tons of repetitive key jamming actions.
Little that I know, there are actually easier ways to do them without having to put myself through the agony if I were to just use a little bit of thought into it.
Felt ever so silly at this point.
Went through a long night of manual typing, dozing off in between and gave myself a very very very very stiff neck during the process and finally manage to finish tons of repetitive key jamming actions.
Little that I know, there are actually easier ways to do them without having to put myself through the agony if I were to just use a little bit of thought into it.
Felt ever so silly at this point.
Friday, July 02, 2010
macbeth
macbeth.
poor macbeth. became a regicide just to be killed in return. he was nothing but yet another sacrifice for a bigger play. but was it all a blame on fate or destiny? or was it because he took seriously the words of 3 witches that came out of no where?
would things play out differently?
and lady macbeth, if her husband did not tell her about what the witches have said, then would she be saved from a tragic death?
it is a sad story.
makes you ponder, to achieve greatness, how far would you willing to sacrifice?
what would you trade for riches, power, success and fame?
would you jeopardize your family's safety?
would you jeopardize what is right?
would you be like adam and eve and give in to tempting ideas and words and then having the rest of the decendants paying for their sins?
would that greatness or the satisfaction of getting the "throne" be worthy of all these?
to each their own.
as for me, nothing beats family time, nothing beats being there for your loved ones when they are in need, no greatness is greater than being capable and available to be there to take care and accompany your family.
well, that is just me.
poor macbeth. became a regicide just to be killed in return. he was nothing but yet another sacrifice for a bigger play. but was it all a blame on fate or destiny? or was it because he took seriously the words of 3 witches that came out of no where?
would things play out differently?
and lady macbeth, if her husband did not tell her about what the witches have said, then would she be saved from a tragic death?
it is a sad story.
makes you ponder, to achieve greatness, how far would you willing to sacrifice?
what would you trade for riches, power, success and fame?
would you jeopardize your family's safety?
would you jeopardize what is right?
would you be like adam and eve and give in to tempting ideas and words and then having the rest of the decendants paying for their sins?
would that greatness or the satisfaction of getting the "throne" be worthy of all these?
to each their own.
as for me, nothing beats family time, nothing beats being there for your loved ones when they are in need, no greatness is greater than being capable and available to be there to take care and accompany your family.
well, that is just me.
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
oneofthosesighdays
as i am constantly trying to get my family out of the lower income kais pagi makan pagi state and heading no where, i went home to find myself a surprise.
a new second hand car. wow, look at how contradictory the sentence phrase new second hand car is.
no i didn't buy a car, but my dad did. but we already have a used car? so now we ended up having 5 cars at home. well 3 cars, 1 truck (belongs to dad's company) and a van.
reason for buying the car? so that my sister can drive to college and my mom doesn't have to fetch her up and down with the existing car. wait a minute, there seems to be an issue here. the thing is, buy a second hand car to replace another second hand car that is still functional. hmm...
spent 20+ thousand for a 3 years old Atos. good buy or not, as much as i want to be supportive of my parents decision, the heck my sister just can't drive the manual which i've been driving for umpteen years? reasons there are many, few of them are 1) its manual 2) its hard to drive since no power steering 3) etc... bla bla bla.
but have it occurred to any of them, beggars don't choose?
ok we are not beggars, we probably can afford a 20+ thousand new second hand car. but... to buy it now? gah... and in cash. OMG. my dad just cut himself 20+ thousand loose. which he could use it for investment. not something like a new second hand car. furthermore my mom and sister didn't really complain about not having a car and if mom is tired and sick of fetching my sister around then its up to my sister to suck it up and drive the old charade until she can afford to pay for installment.
why is it that they don't understand how much of waste it is to dump 20+ thousand for a used car! GOSH.
not pissed at any of my family members but more of the idea of spending 20+ thousand on a piece of used crap that will deficit by the seconds.
sigh the frustration! do they even know how long they can survive with the 20+ thousand if in future there is any mishaps? darn it...
i'm throwing in the towel for now.
sorry for the rant. but i have to. i need to. if only there is a certain someone who would just give me a pat on the back or maybe even a hug. gah...
cant wait till this saturday.
a new second hand car. wow, look at how contradictory the sentence phrase new second hand car is.
no i didn't buy a car, but my dad did. but we already have a used car? so now we ended up having 5 cars at home. well 3 cars, 1 truck (belongs to dad's company) and a van.
reason for buying the car? so that my sister can drive to college and my mom doesn't have to fetch her up and down with the existing car. wait a minute, there seems to be an issue here. the thing is, buy a second hand car to replace another second hand car that is still functional. hmm...
spent 20+ thousand for a 3 years old Atos. good buy or not, as much as i want to be supportive of my parents decision, the heck my sister just can't drive the manual which i've been driving for umpteen years? reasons there are many, few of them are 1) its manual 2) its hard to drive since no power steering 3) etc... bla bla bla.
but have it occurred to any of them, beggars don't choose?
ok we are not beggars, we probably can afford a 20+ thousand new second hand car. but... to buy it now? gah... and in cash. OMG. my dad just cut himself 20+ thousand loose. which he could use it for investment. not something like a new second hand car. furthermore my mom and sister didn't really complain about not having a car and if mom is tired and sick of fetching my sister around then its up to my sister to suck it up and drive the old charade until she can afford to pay for installment.
why is it that they don't understand how much of waste it is to dump 20+ thousand for a used car! GOSH.
not pissed at any of my family members but more of the idea of spending 20+ thousand on a piece of used crap that will deficit by the seconds.
sigh the frustration! do they even know how long they can survive with the 20+ thousand if in future there is any mishaps? darn it...
i'm throwing in the towel for now.
sorry for the rant. but i have to. i need to. if only there is a certain someone who would just give me a pat on the back or maybe even a hug. gah...
cant wait till this saturday.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
hmm...
many thanks to you whom reminded me that I actually have a blog.
my days are still the same repetitive routine.
wait a minute, its not.
i've actually had many interesting and new experiences for the past months.
in turn, much moolas have been invested into the entertainment and F&B industry.
i've been a true blue drunkard (the one that you actually vomits) once.
i've been into a club twice. first time still shy and didn't really enjoyed myself. the second time, i had a blast.
i've been socializing pretty well. been told that i do have rather good pr skills. if those times are not alcohol induced, then i can probably start thinking about changing my forte.
i've been to my first ever korean course. korean language is one tough rock. not recommended to just anybody.
i've been to my first belly dance performance.
i've actually drove down to KL and found my way around for the first time.
hmm. those are actually things i've been doing for the past months. but i also realize there are things that needs to be done. serious things. need to get down to those too.
to the bolder me who is coming out of my closet - i say cheers.
my days are still the same repetitive routine.
wait a minute, its not.
i've actually had many interesting and new experiences for the past months.
in turn, much moolas have been invested into the entertainment and F&B industry.
i've been a true blue drunkard (the one that you actually vomits) once.
i've been into a club twice. first time still shy and didn't really enjoyed myself. the second time, i had a blast.
i've been socializing pretty well. been told that i do have rather good pr skills. if those times are not alcohol induced, then i can probably start thinking about changing my forte.
i've been to my first ever korean course. korean language is one tough rock. not recommended to just anybody.
i've been to my first belly dance performance.
i've actually drove down to KL and found my way around for the first time.
hmm. those are actually things i've been doing for the past months. but i also realize there are things that needs to be done. serious things. need to get down to those too.
to the bolder me who is coming out of my closet - i say cheers.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Random 01
words.
feelings.
emotions.
memories.
expressions.
experiences.
meaningless till you have an audience.
feelings.
emotions.
memories.
expressions.
experiences.
meaningless till you have an audience.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Call it sacrifice or...
Often in a relationship. Any relationship for that matter. We use the word sacrifice a lot. We often claim that we are not expecting any form of returns for the sacrifices made but how far true is that?
The moment we use the word sacrifice, evidently part of us are expecting at least gratitude. If the sacrifices made are not mutual or equal, in a long run, like it or not, it will cause both the giver and the receiver to bear a certain invisible burden called stress. Straining the relationship. If not dealt with, the relationship will shatter in pieces under the enormous built up of stress.
I guess what needs to be realized is that all actions that are done for the sake of the other party, we need to do it with pride. For example, I'm proud to have watched a chic flick with you even though I don't like it. I'm proud to chauffeur you around from one end of the world to the other just because I have the privilege to do so and so on and so forth.
Doesn't quite make sense perhaps. Think about it. A couple tell each other that they love one another. So what else in the world would be more important but to run simple errands for one another? The act itself is simple but the underlying happiness and the acknowledging of each party in one's life is not. You don't run around doing errands together with just anyone.
Friends that tags along are often close friends, family members that tags along are often siblings whom you have a stronger bond with etc...
There should not be any hidden agendas when we do something for people we truly love, people who truly matters.
The moment we use the word sacrifice, evidently part of us are expecting at least gratitude. If the sacrifices made are not mutual or equal, in a long run, like it or not, it will cause both the giver and the receiver to bear a certain invisible burden called stress. Straining the relationship. If not dealt with, the relationship will shatter in pieces under the enormous built up of stress.
I guess what needs to be realized is that all actions that are done for the sake of the other party, we need to do it with pride. For example, I'm proud to have watched a chic flick with you even though I don't like it. I'm proud to chauffeur you around from one end of the world to the other just because I have the privilege to do so and so on and so forth.
Doesn't quite make sense perhaps. Think about it. A couple tell each other that they love one another. So what else in the world would be more important but to run simple errands for one another? The act itself is simple but the underlying happiness and the acknowledging of each party in one's life is not. You don't run around doing errands together with just anyone.
Friends that tags along are often close friends, family members that tags along are often siblings whom you have a stronger bond with etc...
There should not be any hidden agendas when we do something for people we truly love, people who truly matters.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Chuck
“To me, it’s not rocket science. Go about your day putting your faith in God and standing on truth. It’s pretty easy: are you a jerk or not? Are you doing things to benefit you, or others? Are you available to be part of the solution and not the problem? Walk in love and that opens some doors of dialogue. How about just starting to talk and see where it goes? I don’t think there’s any clock on it—your life is God’s, so let Him do as He wills with it.” ~ Zac LeviTaken from Zac Levi's interview by RelevantMag. Inspiring. A practical take on what faith is. Simple yet hard to really follow through since most of the time we do a lot of things in the spur of a moment without putting much thought about it.
Why think when you can wing it some might say.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Sleepless in...
I need to start sleeping properly again.
A friend reminded me that I have actually less than 6 hours of sleep everyday.
If I were doing something productive then it would be called hardworking, go-getter, focused on career.
But I'm not.
So the least I can do is to start taking care of my own body.
Even the blind massues in Hotel Mexico told me that I'm lacking of real sleep!
I always wonder, am I among friends or am I among a bunch of hyennas. Who can be trusted and who can't? How would anyone determine that? Personal experience? What if things went out of hand while you are testing the waters of how far to trust some one?
Well, can't know for sure and no point giving it too much thought. We will never really know what the other party is thinking. It is up to us to be wise.
I'm in the mood again to randomly type out my thoughts. The unprocessed ones... or at least thoughts with minimum filter. Can't be sharing too much personal info, I keep them for really close friends, it's exclusive. I think it is only fair since trust needed to be gained and if every Tom, Dick and Harry would know about whats going on my mind, it is just so wrong.
Am still burning my time away in the current company. O'opportunity, whereth art thou!
A friend reminded me that I have actually less than 6 hours of sleep everyday.
If I were doing something productive then it would be called hardworking, go-getter, focused on career.
But I'm not.
So the least I can do is to start taking care of my own body.
Even the blind massues in Hotel Mexico told me that I'm lacking of real sleep!
I always wonder, am I among friends or am I among a bunch of hyennas. Who can be trusted and who can't? How would anyone determine that? Personal experience? What if things went out of hand while you are testing the waters of how far to trust some one?
Well, can't know for sure and no point giving it too much thought. We will never really know what the other party is thinking. It is up to us to be wise.
I'm in the mood again to randomly type out my thoughts. The unprocessed ones... or at least thoughts with minimum filter. Can't be sharing too much personal info, I keep them for really close friends, it's exclusive. I think it is only fair since trust needed to be gained and if every Tom, Dick and Harry would know about whats going on my mind, it is just so wrong.
Am still burning my time away in the current company. O'opportunity, whereth art thou!
Friday, January 08, 2010
5 months 3 weeks is not a long time
lalalalalalala...
Friday is not a shyday.
like matt says it, HARUMPH!
okay, have several stuff going on my head just thought of pen-typing them down.
Signs and Signals, sometimes you will find them when you stop searching. It'll be just right infront of you.
True love and Self, both variables are undefinable. too much potentials, scale too large. uncertainties are just too great. sometimes no point thinking into things too much. appreciate and enjoy it while it lasts. both true love and self are hard to come by.
Have not read much book in my entire life. No fancy words nor owning writings to jot down the instinctive insights that i have brewed inside of me through life's experience. life have not been fair to me thus far but nontheless God is still good. i'm not lacking at least.
ok thats about it.
Friday is not a shyday.
like matt says it, HARUMPH!
okay, have several stuff going on my head just thought of pen-typing them down.
Signs and Signals, sometimes you will find them when you stop searching. It'll be just right infront of you.
True love and Self, both variables are undefinable. too much potentials, scale too large. uncertainties are just too great. sometimes no point thinking into things too much. appreciate and enjoy it while it lasts. both true love and self are hard to come by.
Have not read much book in my entire life. No fancy words nor owning writings to jot down the instinctive insights that i have brewed inside of me through life's experience. life have not been fair to me thus far but nontheless God is still good. i'm not lacking at least.
ok thats about it.
Monday, January 04, 2010
Back to Segiempat Satu
Suck ar.
In the end turn down the other job. Pay is just too low and the risk involved are just too great. If I am an orphan and have nothing to care about in this world then I would go in head on already.
Yet I am not. So have to consider for my family as well. Not that I don't like taking risks, trust me, I took a biggest risk in my life last year and end up still paying for it.
I'll just have to have a stronger resolve in getting the certification myself and have a fulfilling 2010. Improving myself in anyway possible.
2009 was alright. Spending first 9 months caring, loving and sacrifising and being passionate. I actually neglected a lot of other priorities.Yet I know it is worth all that.
That was the only passionate moment I have. Hope I will have more moments like these in the future.
Weird, ask me what I am passionate about in life, for now I'll tell you I'm most passionate when I was going out with my ex. You know how when you are a small kid and when you wake up on your birthday and there's a present next to your bed (I never experienced that before by the way), that was how I felt every single day when I was with my ex. Cool eh
Other than that, I'm pretty laid back and accomodating.
I like being simple. But I also like money. So I somehow have to earn lotsa money by being simple.
Who says simplicity is easy?
In the end turn down the other job. Pay is just too low and the risk involved are just too great. If I am an orphan and have nothing to care about in this world then I would go in head on already.
Yet I am not. So have to consider for my family as well. Not that I don't like taking risks, trust me, I took a biggest risk in my life last year and end up still paying for it.
I'll just have to have a stronger resolve in getting the certification myself and have a fulfilling 2010. Improving myself in anyway possible.
2009 was alright. Spending first 9 months caring, loving and sacrifising and being passionate. I actually neglected a lot of other priorities.Yet I know it is worth all that.
That was the only passionate moment I have. Hope I will have more moments like these in the future.
Weird, ask me what I am passionate about in life, for now I'll tell you I'm most passionate when I was going out with my ex. You know how when you are a small kid and when you wake up on your birthday and there's a present next to your bed (I never experienced that before by the way), that was how I felt every single day when I was with my ex. Cool eh
Other than that, I'm pretty laid back and accomodating.
I like being simple. But I also like money. So I somehow have to earn lotsa money by being simple.
Who says simplicity is easy?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)