Hello from Singapore.

I'm writing this down in an company apartment belongs to a friend in Singapore.

Just had an interview and I have no confidence at all if I shall be employed.

But having all that said, Singapore is a place where I want to work and grow my career in.

The country's system might not be perfect. There are a lot of details that within this short amount of time I've been here that I definitely failed to realize. However, this place intrigues me.

My brain have not been functioning at this capacity for awhile now. The passion to do well in life once again started to burn.

Attempts shall be continuously made so that I can land a job in Singapore. Or any other country for the matter.

Being away from comfort zone really do changes things. With limited resources, a person grows much more faster. When you have your own to depend on, you can only make it. That would be the only choice.

I can but only wait for the call of good news from the company. It is time to diversify and venture out to another field.

I'm looking for a company and a place that recognizes my potentials and would willing to trust in my capacity.

God, I really need your divine intervention on this one.

2011. Happy New Year

Aging is such an immovable force.

I can only but grow older by the years watching youth fade away so as my energy diminishing little by little.

Time became harder to grasp as years gone by, was so alarmed by it that I can't help but wanting to slow everything down, hoping to gain control of time. I figured, if I were to plan and to live life as meaningful and purposeful as possible, I could some how slow time down.

Achievements in life, now I know the significance. I understand why are they important. Not to prove to anyone about my ability, but rather to use them to leave a dent in this course of life. As a marker, a proof that I've once lived through my youth. That I was once young before.

Rather funny having this post coming from someone who have not even hit 27 years of age. Yet inside of me, I felt I've lived through decades of this journey called life. Experiencing the ups and downs that some could never imagine of going through.

Still trying to make a spot for myself in this place called life.

Rushed through most moments in life failing to embrace each and every emotions and feelings before letting them fade away. Regrets are mostly what I have in my pocket. However, giving up is not likely.

I don't give up. At least not that easily. So in this year 2011, lets make some changes.

Lets make this year slightly different than those that have passed.

God, I need all the help I can get from above.

In all those elements found in life may it be love, wealth, health and so forth, help me to make a difference in myself. Presenting to my loved ones a better me.

I can but only do all I can within my insignificant capability and to pray for divine intervention.

Happy new year 2011. Here goes...

Call it sacrifice or...

Often in a relationship. Any relationship for that matter. We use the word sacrifice a lot. We often claim that we are not expecting any form of returns for the sacrifices made but how far true is that?

The moment we use the word sacrifice, evidently part of us are expecting at least gratitude. If the sacrifices made are not mutual or equal, in a long run, like it or not, it will cause both the giver and the receiver to bear a certain invisible burden called stress. Straining the relationship. If not dealt with, the relationship will shatter in pieces under the enormous built up of stress.

I guess what needs to be realized is that all actions that are done for the sake of the other party, we need to do it with pride. For example, I'm proud to have watched a chic flick with you even though I don't like it. I'm proud to chauffeur you around from one end of the world to the other just because I have the privilege to do so and so on and so forth.

Doesn't quite make sense perhaps. Think about it. A couple tell each other that they love one another. So what else in the world would be more important but to run simple errands for one another? The act itself is simple but the underlying happiness and the acknowledging of each party in one's life is not. You don't run around doing errands together with just anyone.

Friends that tags along are often close friends, family members that tags along are often siblings whom you have a stronger bond with etc...

There should not be any hidden agendas when we do something for people we truly love, people who truly matters.

It is decided.

Have been applying for jobs for the pass few months.

Went for 3 interviews.

Both 3 was an eye opener. And well, had my fair share of being slapped on the face by reality for being ill equipped with the necessary skills to sell myself.

A manager for one of these company called me this afternoon and offered me a job with a pay cut.

A friend told me that I should consider where my passion lies and then only pursue towards the career path because it will be back to square one if I don't fully enjoy what I am doing.

The thing is, I don't really have passion. At least not anymore. The only time I was really passionate and was willing to give my entire life into working things out is when I was still together with my previous girlfriend.

Other than that, I've never really have anything that I truly enjoyed doing. I don't mind doing anything or everything but I just don't feel the excitement. Maybe because of that, I'm such a bore.

Bumi company + pay cut + unknown benefits + unknown passion = hell no.

But in the end I decided to dive head in and give it a good try. Gosh, I seriously have no idea how to pay for my expenses with this pay cut.

I've always been not too bright. And a tad bit too straight forward. One day my downfall might be caused by that.

I think I need to learn how to have fun.

A Not So Dull 2009

Year end is closing in.

2010 dropping by like 2009 was just yesterday.

The sweet sour bitter of 2009 will remain as valuable experiences and memories.

Merry Christmas to all and just in case I party too hard, have a great new year as well!

Quarter of a decade and I think this time, I really need a sound resolution for the year 2010.

Come on, how long can a dude chill when his career is not even built?

Discipline. Need tons of them. Lots of things need to be done.

I will take time to plan out 2010. Won't be having a super uber packed 2010 but at least there are things that I want to achieve by the time it ends.

Why waste life when you can enjoy it to the fullest with a little bit of goals and objectives in the end?

Make it a fruitful year. Every single bit. Realize the reality of when time flies, boy do these suckers fly.

Back to the drawing board for me.

God! Guidance, Wisdom, Grace, Blessings and Mercy from you puhleeeze!

"Lifeeeeeee... oooooooh.... life...."

In the mood to write

It is told that never mingle around people who are unequally yolk too much because some how or rather, these people will drag you down to their level in due time. The process is so gradual that even after it happens, you’ll only be realizing it after your knees went too deep.

Many of you might be having a judgmental opinion on the above paragraph - Arrogant. But I can assure you, it is nothing more but a sincere advice. Surely those who have been through such situation can attest to that. I for one, as non excellent as I am do fully agree with such an advice.

People from different backgrounds often have these presets of view towards one another. Most of the time I find myself guilty for having such negative and unfair views embedded in me, it doesn’t even take me a blink of an eye to open my mouth and start spewing rubbish. Even though some of the time I might be correct, but it is the attitude of it that I despise myself for having. Sometimes I wonder if it is that important to be correct all the time.

Hate myself the most when the irrationality part of me dies down and when I start to recall back all that happened in the day. Most of the time I would regret for having a more efficient mouth rather than a more efficient brain since all the negativity that comes out does not build nor construct but tears down and destroys.

It is fascinating that 9 out of 10 people that I know have this “disease”, yet it is not entirely incurable. All we need is to be discipline in holding our tongues and have a more positive mindset towards life. That should do the trick. However to some, they are too warped in the space of negativity that they will never come back.

Sad huh?

Not really.

Since the solutions above mainly rely on ones discipline, there is this other element called faith. Faith entrusted to the mighty God Himself. Much practice is required before I can call myself a man with the faith of a mustard seed. With so much of distractions, laziness, compromising and complacency going around, faith and prayer would be the only weapon against all which is not of constructiveness.

Writer’s note:

Wasn’t too sure how to put down into words for the thoughts that have been running in my mind, this is the best that I can do for a little part of it. So till I can record down all that is locked away in my mind “vault”, take care and have a nice evening.

Its the weekend...

Its a Saturday, woke up slightly earlier than usual, don't have anything planned yet and too lazy to move about.

The next best thing to do is turn on the wireless, crawl back up to my bed, turn on the laptop and start surfing/downloading/chatting/blogging away.

It is sad that even though I've already been facing the laptop and the internet 5 days a week for work and yet on the weekends I've to come back to them for leisure as well. Sheesh, what have the people of this era turned into? Or is it just me?

Sounds pretty no life. Yet for the time being, I'm enjoying the state of solitude my room can provide. It is like swimming underwater where the world is just quiet and peaceful or up in the mountains where waterfalls are at and you can just sit back and think/ponder/reason about/with topics that you have no time for during the hassle of weekdays.

So much for creativity...

Timing is truly one of the key to any successful "business". I've tell this to a million people a million times and I guess even without me telling, it is rather obvious. Even with us knowing this fact, tons of things are beyond our control. Time like these makes you wonder would it be different if you've been a faithful disciple of God from the first place. But then again, God is not the big bully with the magnifying glass and we are not the ants inside the ant hills.

Ray of hope...

I've not given up. Even if it does not seem wise for me to continue the pursue, I'm going in head strong. As of now, clouds of uncertainty and bleakness surrounds me, yet I'll hold on to that faint ray and inch forward in life and in love.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this blindly and I'm well aware of the consequences and obstacles involved. This will be a tough battle and a long one as well but no matter the results, no matter how this battle ends, it will only make me stronger and in the same time helped the damsel currently in distress to grow and obtain new characteristics which will help her a long way in life in the future.

I've not shared details about how we started and why we ended. Not going to. But if you ask me if all these are worth the effort, I can tell you it is not about the gains or losses. It is a person's life I'm dealing with, further more, a person whom I'm deeply still in love with. No matter the price, I'm willing to pay.

In the past, I've had many regrets in relationships, and all I can do about the past was "what if", "how could if", "it could be good if"..."IF"s... Not this time. No more "IF"s but a solid and firm "I've done all I could at it just didn't work out". I'm sure some of you will be able to recognize how I feel right now.

When all these goes to past, I'm sure I'll have another good topic to blog about. Take it as a life's lesson? I guess I'm not that boring a guy after all.

Heh...

Enjoy the weekends. Oh and Happy Halloween.

Single Yet Again

Time: 5:05 A.M.

After A month of complicated encounter, I'm single again.

However, not quite available at the moment.

The girl that I've been into so much have requested a time out and as a gentleman, any request from a lady should be fulfilled. Many sincere blessings to her future endeavours.

Then again, not like we have really started in the first place. Probably my fault for being an eager beaver. Heh... nope, I did not do something naughty if some of you might be thinking what the "eager" in the beaver is for.

Well, I hope in the midst of all these, what we have/had would be more than just "teehee I like you you like me". If not then it would not be worth the effort and time spent.

Don't ask me what happened when you see me, really. I'm still in the mood of playing the role of a heart broken chap. So, most probably I won't be bringing my most sensible side along these few hours, months, weeks. No idea how long will it take.

With this much of energy and passion left from the so called relationship, best to divert it into my job since currently I'm not feeling too secure about my role in the department lately. That is another different ball game altogehter, will share more about that in the future posts.

As for now, at 5:57 A.M., after having a tug of war with myself the entire night, I'm able to partially detach my wuss side and let go of her to go her own ways. Not like I have the choice but hey, it is my blog and it is my story.

It is sure going to be painful these few days especially on weekends when there's nothing much to do. The wandering mind is the devil's playground eh?

God, as disqualified as I am to you as a servant and a son, do watch over me and in this case, her as well. I'm still greatly in love with her no matter what the circumstances are. Come what may.

One day... one day... I hope to see that for once in my life, a beautiful relationship will be brought before me according to the desire of my heart. Greedy huh me? :)

Heading to office now, can't sleep anyway so work away I shall in 6:05 in the morning.

Ciaozoo.

The Day My Surprise Plan Backfired

Time : 6:05 P.M.

I’ve actually spent the entire day planning how to give my beloved a surprise on the 28th since she took leave. I am not really good at doing all these organizing, I’m pretty proud of what I’ve came up with.

The plan was to cook for her when I visit her on the 28th morning. My debut cooking and surprise act. Pretty nifty huh?

After having a few hours crash course “learn how to cook” online and purchasing groceries for the selected menu of the day, it dawned upon me that it would be even more surprising for me to drop by later tonight without her knowing.

The expression on her face should be priceless and I’m sure she will definitely be touched by my careful and well prepared plan since she loves surprises alot. Plus, she will be out with her friend (God brother) for a movie so I would roughly know when she will be back since she’s going to message me.

Everything seems pretty fine huh? Well…

An hour ago, she messaged me and told me that her sister (God sister) will be staying with her tomrrow as well so I couldn’t go over.

Bam! Brick wall ahead…

So the surprise plan backfired in the end. I guess I’ll be having a “good” time explaining to my mom what are those groceries for. But groceries I’m sure I can think of something but roses and red wine? Hmm… I’ll think of an excuse later since parents are not at home for the time being.

Need to get rid of them some how. It’s Deepavali and there’s like tons of open houses around… I guess I’ll have a few extra good neighbors and some todi kakis.

Oh well… Looks like I’m going to cancel tomorrow’s leave and head back to work again. This is what I’ve signed up for and I guess I should not complain.

Well dear, don’t blame me for not being a good “best friend” yeah?

Then again, probably you’ve been saved from a terrible food poisoning. With my cooking skills, anything is possible. Heh…

Ciazoo…

p.s : I downloaded High School Musicals 2 for you. So we can watch the third one in the cinema if you want to.

Depature and New Beginning

Time: 2:03A.M.

A very good friend of mine (Yangs) will be going off for pilot "boot camp" later today.

The whole course will take about 2 years. Not that we can't visit him throughout this 2 years, but it just hit me that things will be slightly different then on. Less one person to hang out with. The fun level of gatherings would probably be lessen by quite some degree.

I guess that is part of life? People come people go. Whether if one can prolong or maintain a friendship or boy-girl relationship depends solely on how much effort and how much one willing to sacrifice to make things work. I always believe that as much as the percentage of give and take should be equal to make a any sort of relationship works, there will always be parties that should be the instigator of activities since they have certain influential level in their invitation.

Anyhow, all the best to this good friend of mine and lets meet up when the time is right. We will all be drinking and merry like old times.

On another note, was wondering if I should share this in public or not since things are much more complicated than it sounds, oh well... I'm always the safe and steady type, but I guess it doesn't hurt once in awhile to be bold huh?

Alright, the thing to announce is that I finally found myself a girl worthy of my loyalty. Much complications are yet to be dealt with at the moment, I myself is not too sure how are things going to work out but like what Metal says :"Be a man, choose and take on what ever comes after that" well, those weren't his exact words but I'm a chinapek by nature, it wont feel right if I don't make it sound macho.

Well, went to church on Saturday for a concert, not too sure if it was suppose to be a rally, doesn't feel like it so I guess it is not. Joe's band (Darren, Raymond and James) were having their album launch if not mistaken. Sorry for the uncertainties, I seriously have no idea how to label the event.

Good to be back to where I belong. Yet things will be different this time, since I'm no longer a leader. Have to learn how to be just a regular church goer from start.

I don't feel fit to start jumping into serving HIM again. Nope, not spiritually nor mentally. Too many messed up ends that needs to be closed, however, I'm proud to be a struggling Christian nevertheless. Won't change the fact that God is still part of my life, but only wonder if I am still part of HIS plan.

*Deep thought mode*

Alright, time to sleep. It is rather tiring you know to write an emo post at such wee hours.

Ciaozoo.

Juno

Finally watched Juno today.

Twice.

In a day.

That was how facinated I am with the movie.

This is the first movie and so far the only movie that I've watched twice in a day.

The movie is just great. Especially the conversation and soundtrack.

Ellen Page pulls the role perfectly. Despite the pregnant part, overall this Juno character is to die for. I mean, how cool can a girl get? Rocker chic with an in-your-face attitude yet she is rational in most cases and not too stubborn at all.

Juno's parents are also probably the coolest parents on earth. Can you find any other calm and supportive parents such as them? Not in a million years.

Yet probably in the end, everybody might just go :" It's only a movie and people like these only exists in the movie."

Maybe that is true, but I'm giving probability the benefit of the doubt. There might be some wild chances that such parents, or such girl can exists.

Just not for me I guess.

Speaking of which, parents visited my grandparents last Saturday. Grandpa actually told them to put some pressure on me in areas involving a complicated life form known as woman. The order was for me to get hooked fast so that I can introduce her to them.

Can't blame them since they are aging fast. Time seems to be less and less grasp-able as humans grow older. Well, if only relationships are as easy as fishing, gladly yet sadly it is not.

It's 2:24 P.M.

Time to sleep. Work comes in again tomorrow. Even though there are much progression in terms of obtaining knowledge and gaining experience, it is rather worrisome since I'm placed in an awkward position that is hard to explain with words. However, I am liking what I am doing currently, so no complaints as yet.

Have another great week ahead you wonderfull readers.