Does God allow some to be weaker than others for a reason? Maybe the weakers ones are suppose to weak because they can't handle the change that will be brought by excellence and causing them to fall short of His glory.

I'm not too sure. I mean, the old me under any circumstances would most of the time hold my tongue or wouldn't really be bothered by oppression because am just too engulfed with my self-pity due to low self esteem. Most of the time I would feel unworthy and would not speak up if my life depends on it. Definitely I would not go public after I get mistreated since I would probably think that it's my fault even though it's obviously not.

But now, I still think lowly of myself, unworthy of anything good. Basically I still short change myself while letting self pity to eat me alive. Yet there is this part of me which tells me there are just times where I need to fight back. Evidently, my tolerance for BS that I get from others have slowly diminishing and I learnt how to retaliate in a less subtle way.

I can't help but to think, have I been like this since long ago or the change just took place recently. If it is not a recent change and I only noticed it now then does it mean that I've gain a certain level of maturity as I grow in age?

It bugs me to the core when people that don't know me starts to lecture me about me. When people do that, the world seems to go into slow motion and every single word that comes out of their mouth seems to have like this muddy and groggy effect.

Well, couldn't do much about it now. It's up to me to rise above my current self.

Office have never been so quite, I guess because tommorrow is raya. Well at least it gives me time to reflect and ponder.